You know what really sucks? Having no friends. I’ve never really had friends. I grew up such a loner. I’m such a social and outgoing person. I love being around people. I like to laugh and making others laugh too. This makes it even harder to be happy when I’m constantly alone. I never really realized how alone I was until the past year though. When I was younger, I was distracted with things like television and video games. But now that I am 17, I can no longer be distracted with garbage like the media and toys. It would be so surprising for people at my school to know I really come home every day and do nothing until I go to bed because I have so many acquaintances. I’m definitely not a loner in school. And I wonder why even though I have so many acquaintances, I have no close friends. You would think at least one person would want to hang out with me out of school. Haha nope. I just want one friend. From 8th grade until 10th, I had my first best friend. Which is pathetic. But she kept me busy and helped me not to realize I had no friends. Then came Taylor in 10th. She wasn’t very dedicated and we didn’t hang out often. But it was still something. Then came Sydney in 11th. We were very good friends. Hung out like 5-6 times a week. But of course, since I’m such an incompatible and needy person, we lost touch. And now I’m sitting here in my room, like always, wondering why no one even gives me the chance. I’m not an ugly person. I’m not stupid. I have a good sense of humor. So what the fuck is up? I was able to handle being alone for a while. I actually liked it. I felt it was good for me to be the introspective person that I am. I learned a lot about myself in my quiet time. But now I’m sick of it. I’m unbearably lonely. I feel so unloved. I feel like I’m not part of the real world. Like no one ever even remembers me. I don’t know how else to describe other than as being forgotten. I’ve always been a popular name. Mostly because I used to be so obnoxious. I just want someone, other than my parents, to care. I want someone to talk to. I haven’t hung out with anyone in months. I’m going insane. I’m seriously starting to lose my mind. I always lied to myself by saying that being alone was a good thing. It was good to become more “aware” on philosophical standpoint. But now my loneliness is taking control of my life. I guess the reason people don’t want to be my friend is because they see me as immature and don’t really take me seriously because I’m such a jokester. Which is so far from the truth. I deal with so many personal issues that they couldn’t even fathom. That makes me angry. If anyone shouldn’t be taken seriously, it’s them. But because I hate being alone, I surround myself with losers. I told myself for a while that I’m better than them and I deserve friends that are really cool and down-to-earth. But since no cool people would ever give me the time, I settle for losers. But  even losers don’t give me the time. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’ve given up my high requirements for a friend but I still am not making any. I’m afraid that I’m going to be alone forever. That I’ll grow old alone and die alone. I fear that I’m still not going to make friends in college or when I find a career. I’m a person that likes a busy lifestyle, but here I am, cursed with the most unexciting life on the planet. What did I do to deserve this? God has no mercy.